Skinny Does Not Mean Healthy
Skinny does not mean healthy. It does not mean confident. Your body is just a body. It is how you feel in your body that is important. Do you feel light and energetic? Do you feel confident and in tune with your true self? Are you giving out high vibe thoughts and feelings? These are the things that are important when it comes to your body and your relationship with it, not the number on the scale.
The picture on the left is a picture of
me when I was 19. I was 140 pounds, the thinnest I have ever been and for some reason, others thought that meant I was the healthiest I had ever been. They were wrong. In fact, I was the most unhealthy version of myself both physically, mentally
, spiritually, and emotionally. During this time, I suffered from Anorexia and bulimia. I had thoughts of suicide and I hated who I was. Most people did not know this about me and most people still don't. I hid from myself and I hid from the world.
I starved my body and mind in order to be good enough for others and good enough for myself. I felt empty, sad, and incredibly alone. There was one day in particular when I was feeling exceptionally low and I saw a family member that I hadn't seen in a while, when they saw me they gasped “Oh my gosh Amber, you look incredible. You are so fit and healthy”. I wanted to punch them in the face and say “No, no I'm not healthy. I’m fuckin sick in the head and my body. Why can’t you see that? I’m not healthy and I’m not happy”.
For too long, my self worth came from outside of me. I looked for attention and acceptance from others, when really I needed to give attention and acceptance to myself.
My eating disorder lasted a year or so, but my mental obsession with needing to accepted by others lasted until my mid twenties when I came to the realization that the only person I needed to acceptance from was myself.
The picture on the right is of me today. I am a mother of two and my body has changed in many ways. Ten years ago, I wouldn't dare post a picture of myself raw and vulnerable in front of a mirror without make up, without a filter, without sucking it in, or without the perfect camera angle. Now, I say “here I am and I don't care if you like it or not, because I love it”.
No, my body isn't perfect but it is perfect for me and it treats me well. It feeds my babies and comforts them. It makes my husband feel loved. It is strong and intuitive. It is generous and loving.
My weight is not a reflection of my health or my confidence but my thoughts and emotions are. Mindset is everything and this realization has given me the wisdom and freedom to love and accept myself as I am right now.